Hey, you’re back! Excellent. Okay, so to catch you up to speed, Ryan was not able to convince his parents to accept that I’m a part of his life. So they cut him off, financially. He says it doesn’t matter. We make decent money, we’ll be okay without them. But when I ordered take out last night, he flipped out. I mean, he made a huge deal.
Ryan and I don’t really fight. We argue sometimes, but it never gets, like … bad. But last night, he yelled at me for ordering pizza when our monthly income just got cut in half. Said we needed to start thinking about a budget.
I threw the box of pizza at him. Wasted a whole freaking pizza.
And you know, he just stood there. Like, the fuck did you just do?
I couldn’t help myself. I laughed. And he looked so stunned when I started laughing, it only made me laugh harder.
For just an instant, though, everything seemed to stop. Ya know? You ever have one of those moments where you know things are about to go either really good or really bad? Yeah. That kind of freeze. It’s like my heart even stopped to wait and see how he would react.
He grinned. And that was all it took. I was giddy all over again, and then we both started laughing.
So the fight was forgotten, or forgiven at least. But we did sit down and make a budget. We’re gonna have to give up some things. He has a membership to a gym neither of us ever uses. I’m not worried about giving that up. We won’t miss it.
It’s the house I’m worried about. Try as we might to cut corners, we just can’t swing the kind of mortgage we’ve been paying. We can still afford something fairly decent, I think. But we may have to trade in our vehicles for cheaper monthly notes. Otherwise, we’ll be living paycheck to paycheck. I’ve been there, done that. Talk about a sure-fire way to either solidify a relationship or kill one. And I don’t want to roll those dice. So we’re gonna have to sell the house and, probably, trade in our cars.
I think that’s what has me so worried. Our lives have just changed drastically. And I’m really scared he’ll resent me for it, if he doesn’t already.
Ugh, it’s a depressing thought. Let’s just move on to something else. Oh! I know, I didn’t tell you about that night at the casino. There was a local band playing at the Riverside Casino about four years ago. Somebody had posted one of their songs on Facebook, and I really liked it. I figured I could go do a bit of gambling and drinking and then go see a show. And since it was the off-season, rooms in the casino’s hotels were relatively cheap, especially if you split the cost. They even had restaurants. I’m telling you, this place was awesome.
Anyway, Trish and I booked a room and planned our night out. You remember Trish, right? Tall, dark hair, bright green eyes? Looks kinda scary without a tan because she’s so incredibly pale. Ha! Yeah, her. We went to the casino to drink (legally) and gamble for the first time. Now, I only brought about $40 with me, and I left my credit and debit cards at home.
Smart girl; yes, I know.
But she didn’t leave her debit card at home. She brought it in case of an emergency. After a shot of tequila and a few margaritas, we realized how important it was to make the most of this momentous occasion! And we spent about $200 of her money playing slot machines all night.
The good new is that the money lasted a good long while because we played the nickle machines. But every time we won and we’d get a little bit ahead, we’d gamble it all away again.
It was late by the time we finally ran out of cash. We left the gaming area and walked toward the hotel section. On our way to our rooms, we looked for where the band might be playing.
We stopped in front of the Cabow Center only to find it dark. The band was packing up their equipment and a few stragglers were leaving.
And then I saw him, laughing at something one of the guys he was with said. I couldn’t help it, I just stopped and stared for a second. I think I was buzzing pretty hard from the free drinks we’d gotten while gambling. I felt completely numb. Like the whole world around me just disappeared and all that was left was this vision of Ryan standing about ten feet away.
Something small and hard, like a fist, jostled me from the left.
It was Trish. “Hey, Shana. You with me?”
I laughed it off, but she never let me get away with anything.
“What’s up with you?” She glanced over in Ryan’s direction. “Who is that?”
His group had stopped and were saying their goodbyes, each of them peeling away from the rest one at a time after a round of hugs or handshakes.
I had to do something. Right then. So I turned to Trish and said, “Dude, I’ll explain everything tomorrow. But right now, I gotta bail on you.”
Her jaw dropped. I would never do that to my girl. But I just felt like if I didn’t stop him now, didn’t say something to him, I’d never get another chance.
She regained her composure pretty quickly; a mischievous smile spread across her face as she leaned close enough to whisper, “I want to hear every detail.”
Trish left, heading toward our rooms, and I turned to see Ryan staring at me, his mouth slightly opened. Heat rushed to my cheeks so fast I thought I was gonna pass out. I thought I’d have a moment to compose myself. Maybe think of something to say. But he started walking toward me, waving his goodbye absentmindedly. If his friends were anything like mine, they’d want an explanation the next day. Anything that pulls you like that has got to be worth hearing about.
Thinking about what might happen that night, about how much he might tell his friends, I got so flustered. I’m not gonna lie, the idea of fucking him silly and then him telling his friends all about it kinda turned me on. Kinda as in a lot.
So anyway, he approached me and just stopped only a few inches away. I told myself to not say anything about sex; instead, I blurted out the first thing that popped into my head: “I didn’t want to go with David to the Sadie Hawkins dance.”
He raised his eyebrows so high, I figured he had no idea what I was talking about, that he probably thought I was crazy. But he said, “It is you! I thought so.” He pulled me in for a hug and, I swear, my knees went weak.
When he pulled back, he looked at me like a man seeing a woman for the first time. Since we hadn’t seen each other since high school, I guess, in a way, he was. Or, at least it was the first time he’d seen me since I’d grown into my bras and lost my chipmunk cheeks.
“You’re still the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”
I gave him a shaky smile and tried my best not to cry. It was just so surreal. He asked me about that day in Keyboarding class, about my abrupt reply. I confessed to panicking.
He said, “You know, he was only asking you that to … I don’t know … sort of open the door for me. You know, like, so I could ask you out.”
Still awkward as ever, I said, “But it was girl’s choice?” Only I put an inflection on the end like I was asking a question.
He just laughed. “Yeah, but you might have asked me.” His smile faded and he looked at me with as much honesty and openness as a child. “I was hoping, anyway.”
I took his hands in mine, more so I could look away when I spoke again. I couldn’t look him in the eye and speak at the same time. Not yet. I’d never been shy around guys, or girls for that matter, but this guy was my Kryptonite.
“Is it too late for me to ask?”
When I looked up again, the corners of his mouth were turned upward, but he kept his lips pressed tightly together. Like he wanted to laugh.
I was hurt at first, thinking he was about to make fun of me.
He must have noticed my disappointment. He hurried to say, “No! It’s not too late. I was just … ” He chuckled and shrugged, “Well, do you know of a Sadie Hawkins dance we can crash?”
Ya’ll, this man makes me stupid; I’m telling you. I stared at him and asked, “Why would you want to crash a high school dance?”
Ryan let out a guffaw that I couldn’t help but respond to with a laugh. He’s just so freaking cute when he smiles or laughs. That all-out belly laugh, the genuine one that you can’t hold back, just slays me.
Struggling to control himself, he managed a few words between fits of lingering giggles. “We were talking about the dance and the joke just popped into my head. It’s not even that funny!” And he giggled again, wiping tears from the corner of his eyes.
“If it’s not that funny, why are you laughing?” I laughed along with him, caught up in the moment.
He took a deep breath, almost like he was about to dive head-first into the deep end and he wasn’t entirely sure he’d survive it. “I’m just really happy to see you.”
Oh, excuse me. I need a tissue.
I still get a bit choked up when I think about it.
I know I said I’d tell you about that night, and I did, but this isn’t what I meant. I meant I’d tell you about what came after that. But it’s getting late again. Ryan just got out of the shower and headed to bed. I need to get in there before he’s out for the count. You know how it is.
I’ll tell you about it soon. Until then, sweet dreams. 😉
Or if you’d like something with a bit more spice (and a whole lot more kink):