People are weird. I swear, sometimes I think they’re actually psychos who live in a fantasy version of the real world. Ryan’s parents are like that. He’s twenty-five years old and still depends on them for everything. He’s the first born son, the one who gets a double share of inheritance. The one whose monthly stipend is twice as much as his brother’s and sisters’. Who does that anymore? Rich people, I guess. I wouldn’t know.
They’ve been depositing money into his checking account since he was sixteen, and building his trust fund since his birth. But now they’ve threatened to cut him off financially unless he marries the woman they chose, not me. I was never under Katherine or Davis Cooper’s consideration. In fact, it was always just the opposite.
During our Freshman year of high school, I was too shy to talk to any boys. Especially Ryan Davis. He was perfection personified. Thick, dark hair, chocolate eyes, and full lips. I was only fourteen, but I was relatively experienced at that age. I’d been kissed, and I’d experimented with oral sex with one of my best friends. She was a girl, but I figured it was the same basic principles with a guy. The goal is to use your mouth on their pussy or dick and make them “tickled.” That’s what she and I called it, anyway. We didn’t learn the word orgasm or its definition until later.
But don’t tell anyone what we did. People are not only weird, but they’re judgmental assholes too. We were just kids experimenting.
Anyway, my point is I knew what a good set of full lips was capable of. And I so very much wanted his on me. On my mouth or … lower. Daydreaming of either was enough to send me over the edge when I played with myself.
I especially liked bath time. I don’t remember how I figured it out, but the pulsing flow of water from the faucet feels really good running over my clit. One of those removable shower-heads is even better. I have one now, now that I have my own place. But my parents’ bathroom didn’t have a shower, just a bath. It worked just fine, though.
I locked the door and undressed, waiting to turn on the water until right when I got in the tub. You have to be pretty quick because once the tub gets too full, the water doesn’t hit the right spot because you’re submerged. But in those few moments you have–legs spread wide, rubbing your clit against the gentle cascade of water–it’s bliss. I just closed my eyes and thought of Ryan; kissing me, sucking my nipples, licking my pussy.
I still get all warm and wet thinking about it.
But as much as I daydreamed about him, I didn’t have the guts to ask him out. Luckily, I got invited to his cousin’s birthday party. Dane’s birthday was February 12th, and mine was on the 21st. So I figured I’d make the leap and talk to Ryan as an early birthday present to myself. And what better way to do that than at a birthday party?
That night, I shaved my legs and wore perfume for the first time. I showed up in my cutest denim shorts and the shortest t-shirt my parents would allow.
Ryan and his cousin, Dane, had been playing football since they were little kids. Naturally, at Dane’s party, he wanted to play flag football. I am so not athletic, but I figured it gave me a chance to possibly tackle Ryan if he had the ball.
Reality hit when I realized there’s no actual tackling in flag football. So I clumsily ran around Dane’s front yard, trying to catch glimpses of Ryan between the dozen or so kids running around. I never got my flag ripped off, but I didn’t have the ball either. I was, for the most part, ignored. That was okay, I didn’t want everyone’s attention. I just wanted his attention.
At the end of the party, as parents came by to pick up their kids, I sat on a sofa next to Dane, both of us sipping super-sweet, red punch. I had told my parents to pick me up at eight. The party actually ended at seven. Hey, don’t judge me. I thought it was a good idea at the time.
So anyway, I was sitting there with Ryan’s cousin, Dane, when Ryan’s parents showed up and he left. Just like that. And I had an hour to go. I turned to ask Dane if I could use their phone, but he whipped his head away from me so fast I knew I’d caught him staring. At me.
Ryan’s cousin. O.M.G. Apparently his mom saw. For the next few weeks, she and my mom tried everything they could to get us “together.” My mom and dad even hired a babysitter for my little brother and sister so they could take Dane and I to the races one Saturday. It was so awkward.
I mean, he was sweet and cute and all, but he wasn’t Ryan.
When we dropped Dane off at his house, Ryan was there with his mom, Katherine. My parents insisted on staying to chat, so Dane joined Ryan on the small sofa across from the women, and my dad sat in a recliner across from the TV. In one of the few ‘bold’ moves I’ve ever made, I plopped down on the loveseat between Ryan and Dane, crossing my legs so that my knee was closer to Ryan.
Katherine shot me a look filled with absolute disgust, then turned her nose up at me. I quickly glanced around to see if any of the adults had noticed. No one showed any signs of awkwardness. So it may have been my imagination. But I swear that woman has hated me since day one.
And now, we’re down to what will possibly be the last day of our relationship. Ryan has gone home to talk to his mom one more time, to try and make her see reason. The woman they have picked out for him has everything: a college degree, a six-figure income, membership at the country club and a figure to prove it. Everything but Ryan.
Don’t get me wrong, she’s a nice person. I have nothing against her, really. It’s just that I’ve loved Ryan for so long, since our freshman year of high school. Now that I finally have him, I don’t want to lose him. For any reason. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to get him?
It was so weird, like the universe was conspiring against me. In our sophomore year, his best friend almost asked me out! I mean, I think he was going to. I’m not really sure. It’s complicated.
See, we were in keyboarding class one day and David, who sat in the row behind me, whispered to get my attention. Ryan sat right next to him, so I happily turned around to see what he wanted.
“Are you going to the Sadie Hawkins dance this weekend?”
I froze. I completely freaking shut down. I mean, I was terrified. What if he was going to ask me out? Was this him asking me out? I said the first thing that came to mind, the only thing I could think of to say:
Then I turned back around in my seat, and that was that. I glanced at my friend Amie, who sat to my left. (Incidentally, she’s not the one I had oral sex with.) She gave me this look, like a what’s-wrong-with-you glare. I just shrugged and payed very close attention to the workbook on my stand. I think I typed faster than the speed of light that day, I was so nervous, although my work was probably filled with errors. I imagine I felt something akin to a cocaine high. I was flying, but not in a good way.
That night, I was so disappointed. I started to wonder if he was just opening the door for Ryan to ask me out. As it turns out, that’s exactly what he was doing. Unfortunately, I didn’t learn that until some six years later. And that was four years ago, at the casino where I celebrated my twenty-first birthday. As luck (for once) would have it, Ryan was there celebrating Dane’s birthday.
The rest, as they say, is history.
Ryan will be home soon to tell me whether or not his parents will cut him off if he stays with me. And, I’m assuming, whether or not he’ll stay with me if they do. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Oh, I know. I didn’t tell you about that night at the casino. Oh, man. It was one for the books. But I’ll have to tell you another time. See you soon.